Tuesday May 20, 2003
Life as a Blog
I think that every blogger eventually has this experience: pissing someone off because of something you have written. The New York Times published a story on Sunday (you may have to create a username to view the article) that probably sums up most people—be they readers, writers, or subjects of blogs. It’s a pretty interesting article if you want to take the time to read it. To read my take on it, click the “More…” link below.
The basic gist is that no one is really safe from the blogging phenomenon. The tales accounted in the article are some of the more horrific examples of blogging-gone-wrong, but that doesn't make them any less relevant to the average person. I myself have had some of the things I've written burn me a bit. Like some of the people in the article, I assumed that most people either wouldn't take the time or weren't savvy enough to find my online ramblings.
I was wrong.
I've had my sister get angry at some of the too-personal details I describe and had friends and significant others get upset by what I did or did not write about. There is a very fine line, I've discovered, between detailing events in my life, and respecting the privacy of others. As a result I found myself editing some of my posts to remove offending content. With each offending post I now find myself more and more inclined to keep my dealings with people I know to a minimum. If I write about them, they of course want it to be positive; if I don't write at all, in order to avoid possible negative portrayals, they may wonder why I chose to exclude them. Perhaps one should just stick to random observations and encounters with strangers? According to the article, I am not alone in my experience, and prudence seems to be the key to averting disaster.
Luckily, I have not really gotten any negative comments from strangers. I have, however, received emails from people who either aren't too bright or don't read carefully. Many people know of my ordeal with WLI Travel Values, and how I spent time researching who they are and what they do. I have even included a link to another person's page where they documented the process they went through to learn the truth and get their money refunded. Despite the fact that every mention of them is negative and that I state how pissed off I was, I have received at least 3 emails from people wondering how I obtained their credit information and took their money! Fortunately, many more people were able to ascertain the truth--that I was in the same boat as them--and sent me notes giving thanks for the information on this shady company.
Anyway, as insignificant as these events are in comparison to those of many other people, they have still reinforced the notion that one should think before writing--you never know who may stumble upon your site! With the freedom to write whatever one chooses comes the consequence of alienating the people one cares about.
Posted at 2:59 PM |
Personally, I feel that as long as its the truth, it shouldnt matter what you put up here. If its truth its not libelous, and if someone looks bad, well then maybe they should think twice about their actions.
And not to put the wonderous webmistress down, but her site is not the most popular site on the net, and having your name up her in a non-positive light is VERY unlikely to make anyone IRL dislike you, or turn you down for a job, etc. Most ppl would never know. And if youre afraid of someone you DO know reading this and thinking youre a less-than-perfect person, they probably would have heard of your exploits through the grapevine anyway.
2 | Posted by: Kevin on May 20, 2003 @ 11:30 PMTo the ironically-named “reality”, I must disagree. Posting one’s thoughts, musings, rantings, and criticisms of others, whether truthful or not, can, and very often does, make someone IRL dislike you. Some people are very open and some people are very private, and I personally consider it in bad taste to post negative comments about a friend or family member without notification, because they may be confiding information detrimental to that person or others that could cause serious rifts in their relationships, careers, and make things more difficult for them to get back on their feet if they should fail in life.
Posting on the presumption that others will never know anyway is naive, and in my personal belief, disgusting, especially if that person is not even told that their situations are fodder for public consumption. Contrary to your statement about they will likely never know, as you can see plain as day in Jen’s posting about her sister and friends, they did find out, and it did causs distress in their relationships.
It all comes down to the reason you keep a blog to begin with. Is it to entertain others, is it to form interent relationships with people who have similar experiences, is it to rant incessantly about the irritations of life, or is it just to keep daily reminders? I suspect in many cases, it is to feel noticed, and somehow important. I very much doubt that the truth is so vital if it causes your family and friends to no longer have dealings with you because their every activity with you is subject for public perusal. You will find the more truthful you are, the less truth people are likely to give you, because they will no longer tell you things which may be in confidence, if they even speak to you at all anymore.
3 | Posted by: The real deal on May 21, 2003 @ 5:31 AMFirst off, someone who is “open” and “private” are not necessarily polar opposites. It all depends on how you define “privacy”
Second, the people who “found out” are only those who knew Jen personally, afaik, the 1st degree — THEY chose to have it affect their relationships, it was not imposed upon them by a third party. That’s a matter of their own personal insecurities.
Becoming less truthful with someone who is, basically, anonymously posting facts, is sheer hypocrisy. I recommend you read “The Truth Machien” by James L. Halperin — if everyone told the the truth, heard the truth, and accepted the truth about themselves, taking full responsibility for their actions, then all this would be moot and frankly, expected and welcomed.
We make choices every day. Sometimes we make poor choices but find ways to weasel out of the consequences through deception. Face the music — everyone — and learn to deal with the consequences. Learn to reject selfishness. Learn from mistakes. Learn not to live in hypocrisy or fear, where no one knows the true nature of anyone else. And finally, learn to live honestly and you’ll never fear being embarrassed in a blog for “looking bad.”
4 | Posted by: Kevin on May 21, 2003 @ 12:41 PMTo my chagrin, delayed reaction. I agree with Stay Real, as what we, as we bloggers, web mistresses and masters post on our sites can have consequences IRL. My journal has been up almost 2 years in one form or another, and after the first 5 or 6 months, it became evident that not everyone I interacted wanted to be named and/or identified by picture in the photo gallery. My site is mine to do with as I see fit, but some where consideration has to come into play.
There’s a matter of respect I think needs to be extended those. One of the ways is offering the people the option of not being able to be identified. This goes doubly for divulging disparaging remarks about family.
Jen, you are to be commended for taking into account other people’s feelings.
5 | Posted by: Tony on May 23, 2003 @ 2:37 AMThe root issue isn’t about whether or not people should or shouldn’t be identified. For example, someone might be “identified” on Jen’s blog with one name (Bob) instead of their full information (Bob Tsakalidas). If the blogster just uses “Bob” is that really being “identified?”
I agree if someone doesn’t want to be on the blog AT ALL then they should mention it and be excluded.
However, if someone IS mentioned, perhaps in a very positive way, and has no problem with it, then IMO they should accept the consequences of then being mentioned in a perhaps not very flattering way, due to their actions IRL. You can’t have it both ways, the Blogger only mentioning you when you do right by her and not mentioning when you’ve offended the Blogger.
All or nothing. Accept real portrayals of people (including yourself) or exclude yourself altogether.
6 | Posted by: Kevin on May 23, 2003 @ 11:51 AMoh man, my bad! A typo here, some laziness there and that’s what happens. Thanks for pointing it out, I’ll be sure to proofread better, as well as using spellcheck and asking my local grammar teacher to help out. Oh, and when you get past your childish nitpicking, and have something positive to contribute, feel free to post. 8)
8 | Posted by: Kevin on May 25, 2003 @ 10:12 PM
